As another daughter of narcissistic mother, I deeply feel what you feel. I read it twice and all I can say is you are such an amazing woman, mother, friend and first of all yes you are an amazing daughter of a narcissist mother. We all deserve to be loved and respected. I met this feelings too late like you. Sending you lots of hugs xx
Thank you Dee and I am so sorry you can relate to all I’ve shared. It’s really not easy. I hope you’re ok and thank you so much for your lovely words. The feeling is mutual. Sending a big hug back to you xx
I honestly can’t relate to being around a narcissist myself but I do know what it feels like to be treated wrongly. Glad you are healing and brave enough to tell your story in such a beautiful way.
I can relate. I used to joke with my friends that I'm only good friends with people who don't have a good relationship with their mothers.
So many of us in our community need this.
I meet so many women in this situation. It's a pretty audacious thing to say to someone, "Your mother is a monster. She's hurting you. That's why you're unhappy. And you don't have to be."
Thank you so much Chad. If this can help just one person, I will be forever happy. I spent far too many years thinking I was the problem, without understanding the behaviour I was being subjected to was emotional abuse and it’s impact on my whole being has been huge. You’re so right, to simply say those things to someone does not cover the complexity of the situation. Thank you so much for your comment and for sharing 🙏🏾
Gurrrrrlll i feel you. Im mixed Jamaican and my mother is a narcissist with the highest levels of Caucasity audacity.
I’ll be writing about that soon time, but I went no contact first out of all my siblings.
I don’t have the energy for fake relationships, especially one with a mother that will put you back to square one over whatever perceived slight she thought I did.
Boundaries are essential.
My main struggle is watching my other friends with amazing mother/daughter relationships and not being bitter or sad to not have that support.
I’m happy you are able to be free from that vortex of toxic energy and didn’t carry it on to your new family.
I love the words you just used to sum up your narcissistic mother and that is such a perfect term of phrase - any “slight” can trigger an onslaught of abuse. Narcissistic mothers have no interest in supporting or lifting you, they simply drag you down time and time again.
Boundaries are definitely key and I’m so happy that going no contact has been an option for you. I look forward to reading all about your experience.
I definitely relate to that feeling of seeing other loving mother/daughter relationships. It’s so hard.
I’m definitely breaking the cycle of generational patterns of maternal narcissism with my own family, which feels amazing.
Thank you for sharing and for your lovely words. Sending you a big virtual hug right back 🤗
It's very brave to share this publicly. I am curious if you have the book Mother Hunger by Kelly McDaniel apart of your healing library?
The piece I struggle with the most is "If you call them out on their behaviour, they will do whatever they feel necessary to bring you back in line. When they feel like that is failing they will go into a rage." and I relate so much too the "it was not that bad". The constant mis-remembering and dismissiveness is tough. I am always surprised when she does receive things I say well but most of the time I am met with these same lines and emotions from her. It's difficult work but important work to heal from this invisible hurt.
Thank you so much India. I’ve not read that actually - I’ll be sure to add it to my library. Thank you for the recommendation.
You’re right, it is so tough and definitely important work to heal from. Their words and actions cause such long-lasting pain, self-doubt, confusion, frustration… so many things.
I can also relate to that being surprised if I was met without an argument if I raised something, I often found that eventually that small moment could turn into the rage I was expecting at another time. My mum was great at bringing up stuff that I thought wasn’t an issue. I always had a feeling as though something (an explosive argument, guilt trip or character assassination) was brewing if she had seemed quiet or peaceful for too long!
Thank you for reading about my experience and sharing what resonated with you. I look forward to reading your words, too 💖
You’re welcome! That book has really helped and shaped the way I mother my little one. Again, your words have been so validating, sometimes I feel crazy or like am I being prideful or a brat but this brings a lot of clarity knowing that’s not the case and others experience this also
That’s great to hear, I look forward to reading it and I’m so happy that reading my experience has helped you to feel less alone. I’ve also said those exact words! I always felt like I was crazy and made to feel like I was being a brat or somehow too boastful if I seemed happy or certain of my opinion (that opinion often being that my mum had hurt my feelings and if I said that to her she’d tell me to come down off my high horse!) x
As a daughter of a narcissist mother, I truly commend you for writing such an honest brave piece of work. I don't know you but I am so proud of you, healing and grief is not linear. The shame that you wrote about feeling this way about your mum rings so true. It's so complicated, I visit her once a month and that's enough for me. Thank you again, I hope your healing journey is a smooth one.
Thank you Ronke 🥹. Your kind words means so much to me. Thank you for reading about my experience, and (although the topic is not a pleasant one) it’s always so special and validating to speak with others who can relate to what I’ve shared. Thank you for sharing too and that’s great to hear you’ve found a way, a boundary, to see your mum while protecting yourself and inner peace. I hope that continues to be the case ❤️
As another daughter of narcissistic mother, I deeply feel what you feel. I read it twice and all I can say is you are such an amazing woman, mother, friend and first of all yes you are an amazing daughter of a narcissist mother. We all deserve to be loved and respected. I met this feelings too late like you. Sending you lots of hugs xx
Thank you Dee and I am so sorry you can relate to all I’ve shared. It’s really not easy. I hope you’re ok and thank you so much for your lovely words. The feeling is mutual. Sending a big hug back to you xx
I honestly can’t relate to being around a narcissist myself but I do know what it feels like to be treated wrongly. Glad you are healing and brave enough to tell your story in such a beautiful way.
It only gets better from here! ❤️🩹🫂
Thank you Dami xxx
Excellent share.
I can relate. I used to joke with my friends that I'm only good friends with people who don't have a good relationship with their mothers.
So many of us in our community need this.
I meet so many women in this situation. It's a pretty audacious thing to say to someone, "Your mother is a monster. She's hurting you. That's why you're unhappy. And you don't have to be."
I have not found that to be helpful.
Maybe I can just share this instead.
🙏🏾
Thank you so much Chad. If this can help just one person, I will be forever happy. I spent far too many years thinking I was the problem, without understanding the behaviour I was being subjected to was emotional abuse and it’s impact on my whole being has been huge. You’re so right, to simply say those things to someone does not cover the complexity of the situation. Thank you so much for your comment and for sharing 🙏🏾
Gurrrrrlll i feel you. Im mixed Jamaican and my mother is a narcissist with the highest levels of Caucasity audacity.
I’ll be writing about that soon time, but I went no contact first out of all my siblings.
I don’t have the energy for fake relationships, especially one with a mother that will put you back to square one over whatever perceived slight she thought I did.
Boundaries are essential.
My main struggle is watching my other friends with amazing mother/daughter relationships and not being bitter or sad to not have that support.
I’m happy you are able to be free from that vortex of toxic energy and didn’t carry it on to your new family.
Sending you a virtual hug 🤗
I love the words you just used to sum up your narcissistic mother and that is such a perfect term of phrase - any “slight” can trigger an onslaught of abuse. Narcissistic mothers have no interest in supporting or lifting you, they simply drag you down time and time again.
Boundaries are definitely key and I’m so happy that going no contact has been an option for you. I look forward to reading all about your experience.
I definitely relate to that feeling of seeing other loving mother/daughter relationships. It’s so hard.
I’m definitely breaking the cycle of generational patterns of maternal narcissism with my own family, which feels amazing.
Thank you for sharing and for your lovely words. Sending you a big virtual hug right back 🤗
It's very brave to share this publicly. I am curious if you have the book Mother Hunger by Kelly McDaniel apart of your healing library?
The piece I struggle with the most is "If you call them out on their behaviour, they will do whatever they feel necessary to bring you back in line. When they feel like that is failing they will go into a rage." and I relate so much too the "it was not that bad". The constant mis-remembering and dismissiveness is tough. I am always surprised when she does receive things I say well but most of the time I am met with these same lines and emotions from her. It's difficult work but important work to heal from this invisible hurt.
Thank you so much India. I’ve not read that actually - I’ll be sure to add it to my library. Thank you for the recommendation.
You’re right, it is so tough and definitely important work to heal from. Their words and actions cause such long-lasting pain, self-doubt, confusion, frustration… so many things.
I can also relate to that being surprised if I was met without an argument if I raised something, I often found that eventually that small moment could turn into the rage I was expecting at another time. My mum was great at bringing up stuff that I thought wasn’t an issue. I always had a feeling as though something (an explosive argument, guilt trip or character assassination) was brewing if she had seemed quiet or peaceful for too long!
Thank you for reading about my experience and sharing what resonated with you. I look forward to reading your words, too 💖
You’re welcome! That book has really helped and shaped the way I mother my little one. Again, your words have been so validating, sometimes I feel crazy or like am I being prideful or a brat but this brings a lot of clarity knowing that’s not the case and others experience this also
That’s great to hear, I look forward to reading it and I’m so happy that reading my experience has helped you to feel less alone. I’ve also said those exact words! I always felt like I was crazy and made to feel like I was being a brat or somehow too boastful if I seemed happy or certain of my opinion (that opinion often being that my mum had hurt my feelings and if I said that to her she’d tell me to come down off my high horse!) x
As a daughter of a narcissist mother, I truly commend you for writing such an honest brave piece of work. I don't know you but I am so proud of you, healing and grief is not linear. The shame that you wrote about feeling this way about your mum rings so true. It's so complicated, I visit her once a month and that's enough for me. Thank you again, I hope your healing journey is a smooth one.
Thank you Ronke 🥹. Your kind words means so much to me. Thank you for reading about my experience, and (although the topic is not a pleasant one) it’s always so special and validating to speak with others who can relate to what I’ve shared. Thank you for sharing too and that’s great to hear you’ve found a way, a boundary, to see your mum while protecting yourself and inner peace. I hope that continues to be the case ❤️