19 quotes on narcissism
Narcissists and the toll it takes to be close to them.
For a long time, I didn’t understand my mother’s behaviour. I couldn't describe it accurately or articulate how it made me feel. Over time, I found more and more references and resources that perfectly summed up the behaviours that I encountered regularly. They also described how those actions left me feeling. Here I share 19 quotes on narcissism.
2 . “Most parents will occasionally say something derogatory to their children. This is not necessarily verbal abuse. But it is abusive to launch frequent verbal attacks on a child’s appearance, intelligence, competence, or values as a human being.” Toxic Parents, Susan Forward PHD. 1
3 .
4 . “Gaslighting is an insidious form of psychological manipulation meant to undermine a person's confidence in his or her perceptions of reality. The gaslighter uses suggestions, insinuation, dismissal, denial, and false claims to erode another person’s belief in his or her own ability to interpret, judge, remember, and/or otherwise make sense of situations.” The Narcissist in Your Life, Julie L. Hall2
5 . “Fawning is a common response to complex trauma, tapping into someone’s mood and adapting to their needs. It occurs when we mirror or merge with another in order to avoid conflict and find safety… It’s important to remember that fawning is an unconscious survival strategy. And at the same time, it causes the person doing it to abandon their own needs, thereby reinforcing their wounding.” Believing Me, Ingrid Clayton PHD3
6 .
7 . “Toxic parents make everything about them - your triumphs, your losses, the day you give birth, a family funeral, the day you go get chemotherapy. Regardless of the topic or situation, they turn it back to themselves. Their children’s needs are secondary and typically met only if they align with the needs of the parents.” “Don't You Know Who I Am?”, Dr. Ramani Durvasula PHD4
8 .
“If neither gaslighting nor invalidation work, and you persist on calling her on whatever she did, she may well go next to an absolute explosion of fury. Or she might just start with that. This fury is known as Narcissistic Rage. It just means the way narcissists can explode in absolute terrifying, rage when they feel threatened in any way. And it does not take much to threaten them… When she rages no insult, no cruelty, no character assassination is too much to include.” You’re Not Crazy, It’s Your Mother, Danu Morrigan5
9 .
10 . “When survivors first begin counseling for psychological abuse recovery, many don't even know they have been abused. They do know life has become unmanageable, and they are looking for answers. Some don’t yet understand the full depth of what has been done to them by the abuser(s). At the beginning of counseling, survivors are (more times than not) in emotional chaos, anxious, depressed or suicidal.” Healing from Hidden Abuse, Shannon Thomas LCSW6
11 .
“In a narcissistic mind-set, the mother is largely unable to show her child the mutuality and responsiveness that is central to a healthy relationship. Instead of reflecting the child’s inner states, she demands that her child reflect an aggrandized image of her. Every request for attention becomes a competition… But she also sees her child as part of her; therefore her child must be outstanding to be worthy of her. The child is under pressure both to be subservient to the mother’s superiority and to shine for her on her terms. Volatility, confusion, and endless bewildering demands are all familiar to those who live in this difficult relational environment.” Difficult Mothers, Terri Apter7
12 . “Narcissistic mothers absolutely hate and resent your special days and successes. This makes sense when you think about it. Since everything is about her, then your graduation, your pregnancy, your baby, your book deal, your wedding, is almost a crime against nature. You’re trying to make it about you, when everything should always be about her… Now, dismissing our successes does not mean that they cannot at the same time claim them and get attention for them.” You’re Not Crazy, It’s Your Mother, Danu Morrigan8
13 .
14 . “Motherhood is still idealized in our culture, which makes it especially hard for daughters of narcissistic mothers to face their past. It’s difficult for most people to conceive of a mother incapable of loving and nurturing her daughter, and certainly no daughter wants to believe that of her own mother… Good girls are taught to deny or ignore negative feelings, to conform to society’s and their family’s expectations.”
Will I Ever Be Good Enough, Karyl McBride PHD.9
15 .
“For most women, the experience of bearing a child is blessed with intoxication, excitement and anticipatory visions for the future. For daughters of narcissistic mothers, however, it can also be blighted by unrelenting fear and anxiety. The fear is being like Mother, of emotionally orphaning your children or harming them in some other way.” Will I Ever Be Good Enough?, Karyl McBride, PHD
16 .
17 . “We have to acknowledge that a narcissistic mother may be too toxic to be around. In many situations, daughters have to make the choice to disconnect completely from their mothers because the toxicity damages their emotional well-being. While others around you may not understand it, this is a decision that you get to make for your own mental health.” Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Karyl McBride, PHD10
18 .
“There is that day. A moment. Maybe you have already experienced it. The day when you look across the table, at the phone, at the email… and you finally see it. The line finally gets crossed, and you will never unsee it. Something happens. Maybe you got therapy. Maybe a friend pointed something out. Maybe you read a book. Maybe the person crossed a moral line or a legal line. You finally recognize that you are dealing with a narcissist or some other form of toxic person. And then you wonder what to do about it. In many ways, “the line” is your rock bottom. It’s no different than what we witness in addiction - there is that moment, that personal rock bottom, and only when people hit it do they start mounting a battle against that monkey on their back.” “Don't You Know Who I Am?”, Dr. Ramani Durvasula PHD11
19 .
Do these resonate with you? Do you recognise anyone you know within these quotes?
I’d love to hear your thoughts and as always, thank you for reading.
Chloe x
Toxic Parents, Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life, Susan Forward, PHD with Craig Buck, pg. 93
The Narcissist in Your Life, Recognising the Patterns and Learning to Break Free, Julie L. Hall, pg. 101
Believing Me, A Memoir, Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Complex Trauma, Ingrid Clayton PHD, pg. 274-275
“Don't You Know Who I Am?”: How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility, Ramani S. Durvasula PHD, pg. 204
You’re Not Crazy, It’s Your Mother, Understanding and Healing for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, Danu Morrigan, pg. 28
Healing from Hidden Abuse, A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse, Shannon Thomas LCSW, pg. 65
Difficult Mothers, Understanding and Overcoming Their Power, Terri Apter, pg. 97
You’re Not Crazy, It’s Your Mother, Understanding and Healing for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, Danu Morrigan, pg. 30
Will I Ever Be Good Enough, Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic mothers, Karyl McBride PHD, pg. 13
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic mothers, Karyl McBride PHD, pg. 184
“Don't You Know Who I Am?”: How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility, Ramani S. Durvasula PHD, pg. 334
All of these resonate TOO well! Thank you for sharing as always 💞
Love this! Thank you for sharing!